Stress Isn’t What You Think It Is

It’s Not the Problem, It’s the Symptom

We throw the word stress around so casually that it’s lost all meaning.

When someone tells you to “limit your stress,” what do they actually mean? What does that even look like?

Without understanding why you’re feeling stressed, that advice is useless. It’s like telling someone drowning in the ocean to “just swim.”

The truth is, using stress as a catch-all term reveals how disconnected we are from ourselves. It highlights how little most people have developed their emotional intelligence (EQ).

Instead of identifying the root cause, most people try to suppress, dismiss, or override it:

• “Just think positive.”

• “Don’t get upset.”

• “Move on and focus on the good.”

Sure, these sound nice in theory, but in practice it’s a recipe for emotional suppression, disconnection, and ultimately, more stress. The goal isn’t to ignore stress, and it’s definitely not to shame yourself for feeling it.

The goal is to understand it.

Saying “I’m stressed” isn’t enough—because when you say that, you’re making it your identity. You’re reinforcing, I am stress.

Shift it. Instead of “I am stressed,” try: “I am experiencing stress.”

This simple shift turns stress into an experience, not an identity. And experiences can be explored, questioned, and understood.

From there, ask yourself:

• Why am I experiencing stress?

• What about this situation is actually causing the stress?

• How can I define what this stress really is?

Because stress isn’t the problem. Not understanding why you’re feeling it is. And once you do? You get to do something about it.

Let’s look at an example.

You have a massive project deadline approaching. Your inbox is overflowing, your boss just added more tasks to your plate, and you feel like there’s no way you’ll get it all done. Naturally, you say, “I’m so stressed.”

But let’s break it down. Instead of using “stress” as a blanket term, identify what’s really happening. Name it with something real and tangible:

Why am I experiencing stress?
"Because I feel like I have too much to do and not enough time."

What about this situation is actually causing the stress?
"It’s not just the workload—it’s the pressure of meeting expectations, the fear of disappointing my boss, and the feeling that I have to do everything perfectly."

How can I define what this stress really is?
"It’s actually a mix of overwhelm, fear of failure, and a belief that I have to handle everything alone."

Now, instead of drowning in stress, you have clarity.

You can start to ask even better questions:

• Can I ask for help or delegate tasks?

• Am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself?

• What’s the actual priority here? What can wait?

The stress didn’t magically disappear—but now, instead of letting it control you, you’re in control of it.

This approach is far more productive because it actually gets to the root cause of your stress, rather than just slapping a temporary fix on it.

Too often, people try to do something physical to make stress go away—meditate, breathe, watch TV, numb out, or worse, just accept that this is the life of a founder, CEO, (fill in the blank).

And sure, those tools are great. Meditation and breathwork can regulate your nervous system. A vacation might give you a break. But none of those things solve the actual problem.

Stress isn’t just a physical response, it’s an emotional signal. It’s your mind and body trying to tell you something. And if you don’t address the real reason behind it, no amount of meditation, breathwork, or distractions will make it go away for good.

Yes, calming your nervous system is important. But if the root cause isn’t solved, the stress will keep coming back the moment you step back into the same situation.

You can meditate all you want, but if you’re constantly overwhelmed because you don’t know how to set boundaries, the stress will return. You can do breathwork every morning, but if deep down you believe your worth is tied to your productivity, you’ll keep running yourself into the ground.

Stress isn’t the enemy, it’s information. It’s pointing to something deeper that needs to be addressed. Maybe it’s a misalignment in your work, a fear of failure, or a belief that you have to do everything alone. Whatever it is, avoiding it won’t fix it. The real solution isn’t just calming your body, it’s listening to what the stress is trying to tell you and actually doing something about it.

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Most people believe stress is about external factors:

• Deadlines at work.

• Money struggles.

• Relationship issues.

But these are just surface-level triggers. The real question is: What’s beneath the surface? What’s fueling the worry, fear, and overwhelm that you’re labeling as “stress”?

Stress is rarely about the external situation, it’s about what’s happening inside you.

It’s not just the argument, the bank account, or the workload, it’s the story you’re telling yourself about it. Yes, these are real, tangible experiences, but they’re also signals, guiding you to look deeper.

Stress is a call to shift your perspective, to adjust your behaviors and beliefs, to plan and prepare for something you haven’t yet considered.

It’s always working for you, pushing you toward your highest good. And to be clear your highest good doesn’t mean easier, it means growth.

And more often than not, those stories are rooted in deeper wounds:

• Self-Worth: Do you believe you’re only as good as your last accomplishment?

• Self-Doubt: Do you constantly question if you’re capable or deserving?

• Abandonment Wounds: Do you fear rejection or being left behind?

• Identity Struggles: Do you feel lost, unsure of who you really are beyond your roles or titles?

• Limiting Beliefs: Are you carrying stories like, “I’m not enough,” or “I can’t handle this”?

These deeper drivers are the real culprits behind your stress. And until you address them, stress management techniques like deep breathing, exercise, or “thinking positive” will only scratch the surface.

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We’ve become so accustomed to labeling every uncomfortable emotion as “stress” or “anxiety” that we’ve stopped questioning what those words actually mean.

It’s the opposite of when people say, “It isn’t that deep.” Actually, it is that deep.

Are you:

• Afraid of failing?

• Struggling to feel seen or valued?

• Overwhelmed by expectations you’ve placed on yourself?

• Fighting a battle with self-doubt or imposter syndrome?

Labeling it all as stress oversimplifies the issue. It prevents us from going deeper and addressing the root cause. And when you don’t address the root cause, you end up stuck in a cycle of symptom-chasing—treating the “what” without ever questioning the “why.”

It’s a mirror reflecting back what’s unresolved in you. It’s a signal that something deeper needs attention. Instead of pushing it away, get curious. Ask yourself:

1. What am I really afraid of right now?

2. What story am I telling myself about this situation?

3. What part of me is being triggered—my self-worth, my fear of failure, my need for control?

Stress is your body and mind trying to get your attention. Ignoring it, numbing it, or pretending it’s not there doesn’t solve the problem. It just prolongs it.

At its core, this isn’t just about stress management. It’s about self-awareness. The more you understand yourself, the more power you have to shift your patterns, rewrite your beliefs, and create a life that doesn’t just manage stress but transforms it into growth.

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People often talk about certain types of stress being good for the body—like an ice bath, a tough workout, or even public speaking. And they’re not wrong. These are examples of acute stress, short bursts of controlled challenge that build resilience, strengthen the body, and enhance performance.

We love acute stress. It’s the kind of stress that pushes you, expands your limits, and signals growth. I like to think of it as doing something new, something for the first time, something that feels uncomfortable. It’s the discomfort of stepping outside your comfort zone, not the heaviness of being stuck in survival mode.

But that’s completely different from chronic stress, the kind that lingers, weighs you down, and leaves you feeling trapped. Chronic stress isn’t just about external pressure; it’s what happens when you don’t understand the real problem. You don’t know why you feel stuck, and without clarity, you stay in a cycle of stress with no way out. That’s when it starts to manifest in the body.

My take is it’s not the stress itself that causes health issues, it’s what’s underneath it. The deeper beliefs that create the stress in the first place. The subconscious fears, identity struggles, and limiting beliefs that keep you locked in the same patterns. That’s what leads to disease, burnout, and unhappiness.

Because in the end, it all comes back to the mind.

Your mindset, identity, and beliefs shape your reality. They dictate your emotional patterns, your behaviors, and ultimately, your well-being. Stress is just the symptom—the real cause is what’s going on beneath it. And once you address that, everything changes.

Your body doesn’t betray you—it reflects you. The stress, the tension, the burnout, it’s all mirroring the inner beliefs you haven’t yet confronted. But once you shift the belief: the stress shifts too. Not because life gets easier, but because you become the version of yourself who knows how to navigate it.

If you want to move past stress, you need to stop treating it like the villain and start seeing it as a teacher. The next time you feel stressed, instead of pushing it aside, sit with it. Ask the hard, uncomfortable questions, the ones that make you get real with yourself.

Because stress isn’t really about the external circumstances of your life. It’s about how those circumstances interact with the stories, beliefs, and wounds you carry inside.

You don’t eliminate stress by pretending it doesn’t exist or by slapping on a quick fix. You eliminate it by doing the deeper work to understand and heal what’s driving it.

The journey isn’t easy—it requires self-awareness, vulnerability, and the willingness to look at the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding. But that’s where the real transformation happens.

Stress isn’t your problem. It’s your invitation. Will you answer it?

With Love & Gratitude,

Stephanie