Why ‘High Vibes Only’ Is a Trap
The Real Truth About Emotions
We’ve been sold a lie.
The idea that we need to "stay positive," strive for “high vibes,” and suppress anything deemed “negative” in order to grow or reach enlightenment is not only unrealistic, it’s harmful.
Let me say it louder for those in the back: WE ARE HUMAN. WE ARE MEANT TO FEEL ALL OF OUR EMOTIONS, NOT JUST THE “GOOD” ONES.
You’ve probably come across charts like the “vibrational frequency” model (below), where emotions are placed in a hierarchy, urging us to avoid “lower vibe” feelings like guilt, anger, or sadness.
The irony is that shame—the thing those models make you feel for having "lower" emotions—isn't "high vibe" at all.
The bottom isn’t something to avoid; it’s how we rise.
The idea that enlightenment means living in a constant “high vibe” state is a trap. It’s not about avoiding discomfort or bypassing pain. It’s about leaning into the full spectrum of the human experience.
Masking those emotions in the name of enlightenment doesn’t remove them. It’s just another layer of avoidance.
The truth is, ALL emotions are necessary. They aren’t barriers to growth or obstacles to enlightenment. They’re tools, guides, and, most importantly, bridges.
The problem isn’t the emotion itself, it’s how we react to it. It’s what we choose to do with it when it arises. Every emotion is a clue. It is a messenger with a purpose. It reveals something in your inner world that needs attention.
You wouldn’t be experiencing it unless it had a reason to show itself to you. It wouldn’t bubble to the surface if it didn’t have something important to reveal.
Emotions don’t just show up randomly, they’re your body’s way of communicating what your conscious mind may not yet recognize. Not everyone reacts to the same situation in the same way, and that’s the key.
It’s less about what happened and more about understanding the root of why you feel what you feel. Understanding how you feel isn’t just about the situation, person, or circumstance itself—it’s about how you perceive it and the meaning you’ve assigned to it.
It’s less about what happened and more about the lens through which you’re viewing it. Your emotions stem from the story you’re telling yourself about the event, the person’s actions, or the circumstances.
When we pause to explore why we feel a certain way, we often uncover layers of judgment, expectation, or past experiences shaping our reaction. It's not just "what occurred." It's your take on it.
Two people can experience the same event, yet their emotional reactions can be vastly different because each person’s response is shaped by their unique experiences, beliefs, and unresolved feelings.
The emotion coming up isn't an inconvenience to shove aside. It’s a call to explore what’s beneath it.
Why does this moment hurt, frustrate, or trigger you? What belief, memory, or unmet need is it asking you to address?
Your emotions are NEVER random.
Ignoring these emotions doesn’t make them go away. Ignoring them only pushes it deeper, where they quietly grow until they demand your attention. But, if you pause and listen, your emotions can help you. They can heal you, help you grow, and bring you closer to your true self.
Every emotion is an opportunity to uncover another piece of who you are.
The key is recognizing that the emotion itself isn’t the frequency. It’s how we respond to it that determines the frequency. Emotions, in their purest form, are neutral.
It’s not the emotion itself that’s “low vibe”—it’s the suppression, avoidance, gaslighting, or pretending it doesn’t exist that creates the real problem. When we push emotions down, ignore them, or mask them with forced positivity, we’re not resolving anything. In fact, the very act of avoiding those emotions amplifies their influence over us.
We tell ourselves that by ignoring fear, anger, or sadness, we’re protecting ourselves—but the truth is, the opposite happens. The subconscious mind, which is infinitely more powerful than the conscious mind, holds onto those unprocessed emotions. They don’t just disappear; they live in our energy field, subtly shaping our thoughts, actions, and the reality we attract.
Avoiding the fear doesn’t prevent it from having power over you; it strengthens its grip. The only way to neutralize fear or any unresolved emotion is to face it directly. Addressing it takes away its charge and allows you to process and integrate it.
Your conscious mind might think it’s in control, but it’s your subconscious—what you truly feel and believe—that runs the show. When you suppress emotions, they don’t go away; they quietly steer your reality.
Unresolved energy doesn’t just vanish, it needs somewhere to go. If you’re not actively releasing it, it gets stored in your subconscious and your body, finding a "comfortable" place to settle. Over time, this energy lingers, builds up, and creates a backlog that doesn’t just stay hidden.
It doesn’t disappear; it gets stuck. And when it stays stuck, it starts to manifest in your body as physical symptoms—chronic tension, fatigue, pain, illness or disease. The longer it goes unaddressed, the more it affects you, often in ways far greater than the original emotion ever would have.
The irony is, facing the deeper meaning behind the emotion’s cause by acknowledging and releasing it, is what will free you. But when you suppress it, the energy compounds, impacting not only your body but your overall well-being. Emotions are meant to be felt. They are meant to show you something about yourself.
We’ve become blind to the constant messages our emotions and energy are sending us throughout the day, all in the name of staying “high vibe.” But ignoring how we truly feel doesn’t elevate us—it disconnects us from our power.
Much of the information out there is intentionally incomplete. It’s designed to keep you stuck in a cycle of seeking, striving, and staying small. It’s just a more polished version of fear, dressed up as wisdom, keeping you out of alignment with your true potential.
Even in the spiritual world, there’s a new wave of “guidance” that feels like the equivalent of mainstream media—leaders offering half-truths, quick fixes, and surface-level solutions. This leaves people endlessly searching for answers outside of themselves, becoming more disconnected from their own inner wisdom than ever before.
This is exactly why my clients experience massive shifts. It’s not from reading 100 self-help books, scrolling through motivational quotes, or mimicking what some influencer says worked for them. Real transformation comes from doing the actual work—addressing what’s happening in your reality, facing how you truly feel, and being willing to stand in front of the mirror and take a hard, honest look.
That’s the only way to drive real, lasting change. I promise you, nothing else comes close.
True empowerment doesn’t come from bypassing what you feel or following a one-size-fits-all formula. It comes from facing what’s real, integrating the lessons, and reclaiming the power that’s always been within you.
This is why people often feel triggered and experience constant emotional turmoil. Your emotions will keep bubbling up, continuing to reveal themselves to you until you finally hear the message.
A lesson doesn’t follow a schedule or wait for the “perfect time.” It’s relentless, showing up again and again—in different forms, through people, circumstances, or challenges—until you wake up and face it. Patterns and lessons don’t care how long it takes or how many times they have to repeat themselves. The question isn’t if you’ll learn, it’s when.
Your soul craves growth, and it’s infinitely patient. Whether it takes 20 years, 2 months, or another lifetime, the lesson will wait until you make the conscious choice to face it. Growth doesn’t follow a timeline; it’s triggered by your willingness to lean into the discomfort and do the inner work to break the cycle.
Free will puts the ball in your court. You can choose to embrace the lesson now and move forward, or let it repeat until rock bottom forces you to. Growth doesn’t have to be painful, but it will be persistent. The sooner you lean in, the faster you’ll find clarity, peace, and the freedom you’ve been seeking.
So why not take the opportunity to address it now? The choice is yours—keep running from it, or lean in and finally set yourself free. Growth can be a gentle whisper or a hard shove, but either way, it’s waiting for you.
Believe me, I was a master at suppressing my emotions, so I know firsthand how exhausting and overwhelming it can feel. I’ve been on both sides, and I promise there’s a way through. A better way to live.
True growth doesn’t come from slapping a positive affirmation on top of a negative emotion. It comes from fully understanding and processing what the emotion is trying to tell you.
When you take the time to sit with it, to explore its message, you release its hold on you. Only then can you shift your frequency.
Your frequency isn’t about avoiding discomfort or never having it. It’s about how you choose to engage with it, understand it, and grow from it.
It’s not about avoiding certain emotions or striving for a constant state of positivity. It’s about how you choose to meet the emotions when they arise. Do you reject them, or do you sit with them? Do you choose to learn from them and let them guide you to a higher understanding of yourself?
The frequency of an emotion is shaped by your response—not the emotion itself.
Emotions are meant to be moved through, not boxed in or dismissed. They’re here to guide us, to show us what we couldn’t see before, and to point us toward growth and understanding. They aren’t meant to be labeled as “good” or “bad” and then either felt or shoved down based on that label.
When we label emotions, we often judge them—deciding which are “acceptable” to feel and which are not. But this judgment blocks their natural flow.
Anger is not a “bad” emotion; it’s a signal. It shows us where our boundaries have been crossed and gives us the energy to protect ourselves. It is also reflecting a part of us that needs to be addressed. If you’re angry a colleague took credit for your work, ask: Where am I overlooking my own contributions? Am I valuing and advocating for myself?
Sadness isn’t weakness; it’s a reflection of what we value most. It teaches us to honor what matters deeply. If you’re sad after moving to a new city and missing your old community, ask: Am I nurturing connection in my new environment? How can I create the sense of belonging I crave here?
Fear is not the enemy; it’s a teacher. It highlights areas of uncertainty and invites you to explore what feels vulnerable. Fear reveals where you might be holding yourself back or avoiding growth. If you’re afraid of taking a big risk, ask: What am I afraid to lose? How can I build trust in myself to handle whatever outcome comes my way?
Guilt isn’t something to suppress; it’s a motivator. It helps us recognize when our actions are out of alignment with our values. Guilt highlights where you may need to reevaluate your boundaries or your perspective. If you feel guilty for turning down a client who didn’t want to pay your rate, ask: Am I honoring the value of my time and expertise? How can I reframe this as staying true to my worth rather than letting guilt make me second-guess my decision?
Emotions are mirrors. They reflect where you’re out of alignment and invite you to reconnect with yourself. Use them as tools to uncover what you’re missing within.
Emotions are here to be felt, not feared. Do not bypass them in the pursuit of “high vibes” or some illusion of perfection.
Those who sit around and judge others for not being “enlightened enough” are stuck in the same loop as those who burn themselves out in hustle culture. Both are avoiding the truth.
True growth isn’t about sitting on the sidelines, waiting for the universe to hand you enlightenment. It’s about stepping into the game. It’s about embracing every messy, uncomfortable, beautiful emotions and using them to uncover who you truly are.
Too often, I see people try to logic their way out of emotions, treating them as problems to solve or inconveniences to ignore. But that will never work.
Many shame their emotions, feel guilty for having them, and bury the real clue instead of dissecting what those emotions are trying to show them. This avoidance only deepens the disconnect from ourselves.
Emotional intelligence—or EQ—is the ability to truly understand your emotions, name them, and uncover the deeper truths they reveal.
This is what we should have been learning as kids. But instead, we were taught to hide or manage our emotions. We got claps when we laughed and giggled, but turmoil followed when we cried, screamed, or expressed frustration. From a young age, we were conditioned to fear and suppress the emotions that didn’t fit society’s “acceptable” mold.
And yet, emotions are neutral. They’re not good or bad, positive or negative—they just are.
Frequency is the channel you are tuned into. It’s not about how “positive” you are or how much you smile through life. It’s the energy you embody—the awareness, acceptance, and perspective you bring to every moment. It’s how you interpret your emotions, navigate challenges, and choose growth over stagnation.
Think of it this way: your frequency is the lens through which you experience the world.
When you’re tuned into a frequency of awareness, you’re present with your emotions and experiences instead of running from them. When you’re tuned into acceptance, you’re not resisting what life brings your way; instead, you see it as an opportunity to learn and evolve.
A high frequency isn’t about avoiding discomfort—it’s about consistently seeking growth, asking deeper questions, and staying open to the infinite possibilities around you.
In quantum physics, everything in the universe is energy, vibrating at different frequencies. Every thought, emotion, and experience emits its own unique energetic vibration, as reflected in chart above. Emotions like joy, gratitude, and love naturally resonate at higher frequencies, while fear, shame, and guilt are associated with lower frequencies.
But the chart isn’t literal in the sense that you must avoid the so-called “lower” emotions to protect your frequency or enlightenment. It’s not about never feeling fear, anger, or sadness, it’s about learning how to use them. The secret is that you actually love your fear, love your worry, love your doubt because you know it is about to unlock a new level of self when you understand what it is showing you.
The funny—but not so funny—part is that when you avoid an emotion and pretend it’s not there, it still affects your frequency. It affects your vibration because energy doesn’t lie. Energy cannot be hidden. Energy cannot be masked with toxic positivity. Energy cannot be covered up with logic.
Trying to cover up sadness, anger, anxiety, or fear with a smile doesn’t make it go away it just lingers beneath the surface. Other people can sense it, too. You can feel when someone is deeply sad inside, even if they present themselves as the life of the party. Their words might say one thing, but their energy tells a different story.
This is why suppressing emotions isn’t the solution, it only amplifies the dissonance between what you’re feeling and what you’re projecting. The truth always finds a way to surface, and the only way to truly shift your energy is by facing, feeling, and processing the emotions you’re carrying.
The question isn’t whether you feel these emotions, because you will. The real question is: Do you get stuck in them, letting them spiral and drag you down? Or do you transmute them, using them as a catalyst to grow, shift, and elevate yourself in the moment?
When you approach emotions with awareness, curiosity, and acceptance, even the most challenging ones can help you align with your higher self. It’s not about avoiding the “low” but about transforming it into something that serves your growth. That’s how you truly maintain and elevate your frequency.
For example, fear can paralyze you, keeping you stagnant and pulling your frequency lower, or it can serve as a wake-up call—sharpening your focus, building courage, and leading to personal growth. Similarly, guilt can weigh you down with shame, or it can motivate you to realign your actions with your values.
Quantum physics reminds us that energy is never static; it’s dynamic and ever-changing, constantly in motion and transforming. This aligns with the principle that energy is never created or destroyed, only transformed. The same concept applies to your frequency—the energy you emit and resonate with is not fixed but continuously shaped by your awareness, the choices you make, and the mindset you cultivate.
Emotions, as forms of energy in motion, play a pivotal role in this process. They don’t simply disappear when ignored or suppressed; instead, their energy transforms into something else, whether it’s growth, clarity, and alignment when processed, or stagnation, tension, and disconnection when avoided. How you choose to engage with your emotions—whether you acknowledge, process, and learn from them, or suppress and deny them—determines whether they weigh you down or lift you higher.
There’s a difference between being a "Debbie Downer" and someone who uses their emotions as tools for growth and self-expression. Just as there’s a difference between radiating a high frequency and putting on a facade of positivity.
True high frequency doesn’t come from forcing positivity, it comes from living authentically. It comes from embracing every side of life, the messy and the magical, the pain and the joy, and allowing it all to be part of your story.
Everything in life is neutral. The labels we place on it are what give it meaning, and we have the power to change the label. Real growth happens when we stop running from emotions, stop judging them, and start seeing them for what they truly are.
The higher your emotional intelligence, the higher your awareness of how everything is working for you.
It’s never about the other person; it’s about how you interpret, process, and use what you feel. You begin to see the gift in fear, anger, guilt, or sadness, understanding that each one shows up for a reason.
They’re here to guide you, to teach you, and to align you with exactly what you need to grow into the person who can achieve the things you’ve asked for.
This is how you become a better leader, communicator, daughter, husband, or friend. Emotional intelligence helps you connect more deeply to yourself and others because you’re no longer controlled by your emotions—you’re empowered by them.
Despite its importance, emotional intelligence is a skill many people lack because it’s rarely taught. From a young age, we’re taught to suppress emotions, prioritize logic, and avoid discomfort. We’re told to “calm down,” “stay positive,” or “shake it off,” instead of being guided to explore what we feel and why. This leaves us disconnected from ourselves, unable to name or process our emotions, let alone use them as tools for growth.
The truth is, emotions are never the problem, it’s how we respond to them that determines our experience. When we embrace and use our emotions, we gain clarity, resilience, and a deeper connection to our authentic selves. That’s where true fulfillment begins.
When you combine the science of frequency with the skill of emotional intelligence, you unlock a new level of living. Instead of being reactive and stuck in fight-or-flight mode, you start living with intention. You shift from simply surviving—navigating life with resistance and fear—to thriving, where every challenge becomes an opportunity for growth.
You develop the ability to navigate life’s complexities with grace, curiosity, and resilience, using every emotion as a guide to uncover more about yourself and align with your true purpose.
This combination isn’t about perfection; it’s about power—the power to face life with emotional clarity and energetic alignment.
That’s why I’m rethinking the whole model and creating something new.
A chart that’s not about ranking emotions as good or bad, high or low. Instead, it’s about uncovering who we are.
I’m calling it:
The Spectrum of Self
Emotions themselves aren’t the problem—it’s how you engage with them that shapes your experience. The Spectrum of Self teaches that emotions are not obstacles to avoid but tools to embrace.
In Suppression, you resist emotions, keeping yourself stuck.
In Conformity, you wrestle with emotions, trying to control or fit them into external narratives.
In Authenticity, you use emotions as messengers, allowing them to guide your growth.
At the Top: Authenticity – “Life is happening FOR me.”
This is your purest self who is fully aligned with your truth. At this stage, you are unapologetically you. You live in harmony with your values and deepest desires, radiating joy, love, and freedom. Authenticity isn’t about perfection; it’s about embracing every part of who you are.
At this stage, you fully embrace your emotions as tools for growth and evolution. You no longer view challenges as setbacks but as opportunities to expand and evolve. You see every experience—positive or challenging—as a crucial part of your journey. This mindset allows you to stay grounded, flexible, and open to life’s flow. You understand that emotions are neither good nor bad but that they are messengers that help you grow, align, and move forward.
In this state, you have cultivated a deep trust in yourself and the universe. You let go of the need to control every outcome and instead focus on living in alignment with your truth. Emotions flow freely because you no longer resist or suppress them. Instead, you welcome them, exploring their purpose and using them as guides.
Key Traits: Self-awareness, alignment, trust, freedom, and emotional fluidity.
How You Respond to Emotions: You welcome all emotions with curiosity and compassion, allowing them to flow without judgment. You explore their deeper purpose and use them to guide your next steps.
Beliefs at This Stage:
Everything is happening for my growth.
Every emotion fuels my evolution.
Life is working with me, not against me.
The answers I seek are already within me.
There is something to learn from in every experience.
Growth isn’t linear; it’s layered.
Key Question:
How is this emotion guiding me to grow and align with my truth?
What is this here to show me?
In the Middle: Conformity – “Life is happening BY me.”
This is where you begin to lose touch with your individuality. You adapt to external expectations, seek validation from others, and prioritize “fitting in” over being true to yourself. While not fully suppressive, this stage creates internal conflict and tension. It is a constant push-and-pull between who you are and who you think you should be.
At this stage, you’re aware that something needs to change, but you’re not entirely sure how to make it happen. You begin to realize that your beliefs—many of which have been shaped by societal conditioning—are running the show, but you feel stuck in the process of unlearning and relearning.
Instead of addressing the deeper emotional and subconscious patterns at play, you try to use the control you do have to change your life. This often leads to hustling, working excessively hard, or trying to prove your worth to others. Alternatively, you might swing to the other end of the spectrum, relying on escapism—wishing, hoping, or praying for external solutions while still looking for something outside yourself to heal you.
This stage is marked by a sense of dissatisfaction and disconnection, as you wrestle with the tension of wanting to evolve but being unsure how to let go of the external validation and control you’ve relied on for so long.
Key Traits: Tension, self-doubt, external validation, and over-reliance on control.
How You Respond to Emotions: You may try to manage or control emotions to fit societal expectations, often suppressing deeper feelings or second-guessing your reactions. Emotions are not fully embraced, creating internal conflict.
Beliefs at This Stage:
I have to work harder to create change.
If I prove myself, I’ll finally feel worthy.
I want to change, but I don’t know who I’ll be on the other side.
If I let go of control, everything will fall apart.
Who I am now feels familiar, even if it’s uncomfortable.
I want to grow, but I’m afraid of what I’ll have to leave behind.
Key Question:
Am I reacting to meet others’ expectations, or am I responding in a way that aligns with who I want to become?
What am I afraid of losing if I let go of control and external validation?
Conformity can feel like a frustrating limbo, a place where you’re caught between your past conditioning and the authentic self you’re trying to uncover. The key to moving forward is recognizing that the answers don’t lie in external control but in reconnecting with your inner truth.
At the Bottom of the Spectrum: Suppression – “Life is happening TO me.”
This is the denial of self. Suppression occurs when you hide, ignore, or reject your true self to meet societal standards, avoid judgment, or escape fear. In this state, emotions feel overwhelming, inconvenient, or even threatening, so you push them down and pretend they’re not there. You may chalk up your patterns to external forces like genetics, coincidence, or fate, believing that “this is just how life is.”
Suppression creates a deep sense of powerlessness and disconnection. You feel stuck, as though life is happening to you rather than through you. Instead of facing emotions, you rationalize or avoid them, which only leads to a cycle of shame, guilt, and disconnection. Change feels impossible, and the idea of growth seems futile.
At this stage, you’re often unaware of the deeper patterns driving your actions and reactions. You may feel trapped by habits or situations, blaming circumstances rather than recognizing the power within yourself to change.
Key Traits: Resistance, denial, shame, fear, blame, victim, and disconnection.
How You Respond to Emotions: You suppress, avoid, or deny emotions, often pretending they don’t exist or rationalizing them as unimportant. Emotions are seen as obstacles rather than tools, and you may feel overwhelmed by their intensity when they do surface.
Beliefs at This Stage:
This is just how I am.
Things can’t change.
It’s just what it is.
I have no control over my life.
This is how it’s always been.
It’s too late to change.
Other people have the power, not me.
What’s the point in trying?
Key Question:
What patterns am I avoiding?
Why am I afraid to face what’s really there?
The Spectrum of Self isn’t about perfection. It’s about becoming aware of where you are, embracing all parts of your journey, and choosing to move toward alignment with your authentic self. Every emotion and experience is part of the process—and every part of the process is essential.
This spectrum isn’t linear. Suppression isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of the path back to authenticity.
This isn’t about being “high vibe only” or striving for some unreachable state of perfection. It’s about embracing the wholeness of who you are. The top and the bottom aren’t opposites—they’re deeply connected. Every part of you has a role in uncovering your truest self.
With love & gratitude,
Stephanie